Just putting this out here...
I haven’t written anything for about a month and half.
I’ve journaled. Which has been a great outlet.
But I haven’t WRITTEN anything in 43 days.
I’ve even sat down to write! But…no go.
And I’m not even really mad about it. Or sad about it. Or feel guilty about it.
My days and brain and heart and energy have been claimed.
Someone asked me when I thought I might be able to start getting back to doing the things that feed my soul and I said, “November".
I wasn’t being flippant, just honest.
I’ve had ideas and started projects and jumped in to things only to have leave them unfinished or back out completely.
Because my days and brain and heart and energy have been claimed.
But there’s been two side effects:
It’s left me hesitant to write, even if I’ve had an idea, because that moment had ‘passed’. The topic might not seem relevant anymore. I just add it to the list of ‘Someday I’ll write about that when it seems appropriate’ list.
I’m getting out of shape.
The first one is just dumb. This whole blog enterprise is supposed to be practice. Who cares if I write something that seems a little “out of place”? I can come back to it later and make it relevant. Or, and this is the true hope, that someday I’ll be able to pull it, expound on it, and have it published. Or scrap it entirely because things have changed! I don’t need to ONLY write about timely things, maybe a little fluff during these serious times will be a relief. Or maybe a dose of spiritual medicine will have more effect if it’s surrounded by sunshine instead of just adding to the drizzle.
So, I’m going to make myself be okay with the idea of posting ‘out of nowhere’ essays. And who knows? Maybe the Spirit will intercede and show me how to make them relevant.
And as for number two?
Over the summer I started jogging again. (Sidenote: I don’t like to jog. Not really. But I really, really like the way I feel when I’m done. And how I feel for the rest of the day. So, back to huffing and puffing I go…) I was being moderately consistent with it. Even texted family when I was particularly proud of certain run. My distance began increasing as did my endurance. Which is what happens when you start doing something on the regular.
But the past few weeks? I’ve gone maybe twice.
Because my days and heart and brain and energy have been claimed.
However the past couple of days, I’ve felt that that isn’t a worthy excuse. I can feel my body changing. I can feel the weight settling back down, I can feel my ligaments tightening back up and not in a good way.
The same goes with my writing. I can feel my mental muscles loosening. I can feel the cabinets of thought organization getting dusty. And the idea drawer getting chaotic instead of an organized place where each idea is sorted and put in a certain spot.
But my days and heart and brain and energy have been claimed!
Not good enough.
So today I’m going for a run. A slow one I’m sure but a RUN.
And today I’m writing. Hopefully not just this little piece of earth shattering brilliance but a real piece. We’ll call this a warm up. Something just to stretch the muscles and put something out there so I have to hold myself accountable.
And it’ll probably seem kind of random…
My days and heart and brain and energy truly have been claimed but that’s not the end of the story. At least not always. Some days? Absolutely. That’s it, there’s no more to give. But others? There’s enough for 20 mins of jogging. Or 30 mins of writing.
Not always. But sometimes.
