Summer Plans

Remember that feeling of the last day of school?  The anticipation of TOMORROW.  The glee of packing up that last morning, knowing you just needed an empty backpack.  The joy (or dread) at cleaning out your cubby or locker or desk.  The outrage if you actually had to do a worksheet. 

But the anticipation was always there.  Even when you were very small, you could sense something coming.  It could be a break in the pattern of the day.  A break in the weather.  A break in having to DO something.  Mornings could be lazy, afternoons spent in front of the TV. 

I know it’s not PC to admit that but all of us can claim to have spent a hot afternoon bored in front of the TV, aimlessly flipping from one show or movie to the next.  Come on, be honest.  But the thing is, even that was great.  Because it was SUMMER. 

Last summer was…different.  There was a challenge to it.  Let’s figure out things to do to mark that school (at home) is done and will be different than summer (at home).  We got creative.  We played more games, read more books, had more cookouts, got to know our neighbors and/or our neighborhood, walked more walks, and even watched more TV than we had in probably a long while.  Maybe it was great, maybe it wasn’t.  But regardless, we all had a summer that was different from any other summer we had ever had before. 

Fall came and with it came even more time outside.  Even with all the school and work issues, we were soaking in as much time outside as we could before winter came and isolation returned.

The seasons kept turning.  We celebrated the New Year, collectively begging for a BETTER year, and even laughing at 2020’s resolutions that all were quickly buried in COVID. 

And then the tide started to turn. 

Leading us to this summer…

I have anxiety, diagnosed.  It’s an interesting beast to live with most days and an enraged monster hoping to devour me whole on others.  The worst thing about it is that it will take positive anticipation, true joy and ‘looking forward-ness’, and twist it into panic.  Into dread. 

And this usually happens right at the onset of summer.

I love having my kids with me, love being a mom.  I really do.  Yes, it is work.  Yes, it is messy.  And yes, I need breaks.  But I still love it.  I love watching them grow and learn and figure out how to be themselves.  I love watching them lounge together or play together and summer is that concentrated. 

And because that love is so deep, it can often get twisted and mangled by the chemicals in my brain trying to convince me that I’m going to do it WRONG. 

I’m going to disappoint my kids.  They are going to have a summer so jam packed with activities and camps and games and play dates and outings that the season will go by and they won’t have had a moment to just be at the house. 

Or I’m going to disappoint my kids because they’ll miss out on activities and outings and social situations because of the downtime and relaxation and family time that we are all craving but that that somehow means we aren’t taking full advantage of our time with our kids because it is limited.

FOMO (fear-of-missing-out) and Mom Guilt (Parent guilt) will show up and start talking snarky no matter the path you take.  They are jerks that are never invited in but always manage to slip past the bouncer at the door. 

And before a single person says anything to me about ‘balance’, about ‘finding a middle ground’…where have you been living the past few summers?  If you want to hangout with friends even once, you often have to plan it and book it, weeks if not months in advance.  Summer now fills up that fast. 

And that has become the expectation!  Fill the time because it won’t last!

Which leads us to this summer…

It could go two ways:

1.      Amazingly, we overbook ourselves even more than usually happens in summer because we are starving for social interactions and activities.  More cookouts, more sports, more trips. 

2.      We willfully hold back from everything because we don’t want to waste these months by filling them up.

Now, I think those claiming that it’s just going to be a “normal” summer and that things are just going to bet back to “normal”, aren’t being with honest with themselves…

Our current normal isn’t normal so there’s no way it is going to be kept up. We’ve been living in a time of restriction and isolation.  To say that the pendulum isn’t going to swing a bit the other way isn’t being honest. 

And in this environment Guilt, Anxiety, and FOMO are ready to party. 

Now more than ever come the fears and lies about having to do it “RIGHT”.  About not missing a single opportunity.  About catching up with friends and taking the trips and playing the sports and doing the nothing and watching the fireflies and swimming at the pool and reading the books and making the memories and not wasting another single opportunity of being able to DO.  Of being able to GO.

About making this summer the way summer is supposed to be.

And this isn’t just limited to those of us with kids.

BUT…

What if we changed the narrative? 

What if we changed what Summer is…and got back to what it was supposed to be?

Not pre-Corona. 

Not even “back in the day”.

But to what it could be…

The beauty of summer has always lain in its potential OPPORTUNITY. 

The weather isn’t restrictive (at least at all times of the day).  We can be outside without bulkiness.  The temperature lends itself to lounging.  Now is not the time for perfectly coifed anything because the sweat will find you.  We can be barefoot and messy and dirty because it’s SUMMER. 

The days are longer.  Say what you will about Day Light Savings but during these months we are literally being handed more time.  Starting something earlier isn’t a big deal because the sun will already be up, the day started.  Starting something later isn’t a big deal because the sun will still be up, the day still going.  And our bodies get wired for it!  We wake up sooner, relishing that stillness and quiet cup before the world really gets going.  We stay up later, glorying in the slow sunsets and prolonged twilights.

Summer shows us the opportunities.  Want to have someone over?  There’s time for that.  Want to go away for the weekend?  There are enough hours in the day to make that drive.  Want to take an afternoon nap?  There’s a nice breeze on a hot afternoon so please do.

The problem is we’ve turned it into a “we should so we don’t waste” situation.

Summer shouldn’t be about what we SHOULD do but about what we WANT to do.

I don’t remember when I lost this truth but I do remember when I turned and recognized that Guilt and FOMO and Anxiety were starting to get cozy.  Setting up their umbrellas in the sand to watch me spin my wheels and let their GPS guide my path. 

That was the first summer we made our list. 

(I know, I know, another list.  Yay.)

But this list was different.  This wasn’t a list of what we needed to do or even what we should do. 

This was a list of what we WANTED to do.

Every member of the family got to come up with three or four things they wanted to do that summer and it could be ANYTHING.  Big or small.

And you know what?  It was amazing how many ‘small’ things got put on that list.  And not just from my kids (who were very young at the time) but from my husband and I too.  We found ourselves adding things like watch the fireflies and try to catch one.  Watch fireworks all together. Have people over and cookout.  Go on a date.  And my personal favorite that will forever be in my brain from one of my three year olds, have a party with balloons.

It was awesome. 

There was no guilt attached to the list, no anxiety, because there wasn’t a single requirement.  Only wishes and wants.

Now, if you’re like me, you could easily find some anxiety to attach to that baby but this is where not only self-discipline comes in but self-action.  Especially self-action.  There’s something you want to do on that list?  DO IT. 

Plan the party.

Buy the balloons. 

Go to the festival.   

Do the solo retreat.

Summer is the time of opportunity.  YOUR opportunities. 

And my brain LOVED it.  No FOMO because I had a list of all things I really wanted to do taped up in the kitchen.  No wasted time because if it wasn’t on the list than it was a nice add on but not something I would regret. My children wouldn’t say they didn’t do anything all summer because there was a giant list (that they helped decorate) taped to the pantry with things they chose actively being pursued. 

And oh-my-gosh the satisfaction the whole family got from crossing something off the list!  Especially the person that chose that particular activity.

This has become a tradition for us.

We do it every year on the last day of school and post it in the same place.  We always have a talk about how “it’s okay if we don’t get everything on it done because we don’t HAVE to do any of it, right? Right!”  (And sometimes as parents we have to redirect some of the activities because we know our money.)

Remember that fear and guilt of doing it ‘RIGHT’?  That we have to take every advantage and not miss a single opportunity?  Because time is limited?

In November of 2020 I got COVID-19.  I spent 10 days in isolation away from my family.  Some days trying to keep up the energy just to breathe.  It was lonely and depressing but also eye opening. 

I had people sending me TV shows and movies and podcasts and books to read (which I tried but didn’t have the energy to hold up a book.  Seriously.) and I realized something.  Despite the fact that I was in isolation with NOTHING before me but time, I didn’t have enough of it to get through everything that was being sent to me. 

I had to choose.  I had to choose how to spend my time especially because my energy was so precious.  My time was limited.  I picked what I actually wanted and then let the rest fall by the wayside.  And I didn’t regret anything. Because I CHOSE it, I didn’t let the circumstances just fly by, carrying me along. 

There is only one way to do the summer ‘WRONG’.  And that is if you don’t choose how you’re going to do it.  If you let it just carry you along and pass by without making a choice, you’re going to be disappointed. Because then you are not living it, you’re just going along with it.  You’ve sacrificed your control and choice in the attempt to not miss anything.

This summer is important.

We get to DO and GO and be WITH again. 

BUT I refuse to let FOMO and Guilt try to take the reins, which they will because, again, this summer is important.

Its opportunities are important.  In part because time is limited, even with the extra bit of it we’re given during these glorious months.  Don’t waste it just going along.  CHOOSE.

We will make our list.  We will have our talk.  We will look our opportunities full in the face and decide which ones we want, which ones to ignore, and which ones we will have to make ourselves.

Because it’s not just summer, it’s our summer.  It’s your summer. 

Decide it.  Claim it.  CHOOSE it. Live it. 

And have fun!