The Distance

I dislike the term social distancing. 

I’m practicing it, don’t get me wrong.  I just dislike the term.

It flies directly in the face of one of my core beliefs.  Yes, I’m aware that sounds a little melodramatic.  I’m not going to excuse it because I’m often a little melodramatic.  So, I’ll say it again.  The term ‘social distancing’ flies in the face of one of my core beliefs and I don’t like it. 

I have lived in five states. Actually, it’s seven if you include Idaho and Florida, but I was too young to remember those two. Five states (seven) over 38 years.

Five states.

Eleven cities.

15 houses.

I’ve moved from a house to an apartment and an apartment to a house.

I’ve moved within the same city. 

I’ve moved within the same state. 

I’ve moved across the country.

And right now, my children are physically closer to a set of their grandparents than I was for the majority of my life. It wasn’t unusual for me to see them once, maybe twice a year.  It was even less than that for aunts and uncles.    

But not once did I ever feel distant from them. 

It was never uncomfortable.  It was never something we had to jump back into and relearn how to be around each other. 

And the reason for that can be attributed to my amazing parents. And grandparents.  And other family.   

I learned very early that distance doesn’t get to determine the relationship. 

It doesn’t matter the physical distance between you and those you love, you make it work.  And it may take some work.  A little or a lot.  But what matters is that you are INTENTIONAL about it. 

It is so, so easy to let things fall away.  To not make the effort to keep the relationship strong.  To think that it will take care of itself.   

My parents didn’t have to spend hours videoing us, writing descriptions of what they filmed, and then mailing it to my family so they could see us. 

My grandparents (and aunts and uncles) didn’t have to watch hours of shaky video just they could see how we were growing and to get a glimpse into our lives.  And then to call and make a point to talk to us about those activities in the fleeting moments we would give them before running out the door to play with our friends. 

One of the strongest examples of this is my relationship with my Uncle Steve.  He was always so cool and wonderfully enigmatic.  He lived in New York City.  He loved art.  He worked for publishing companies.  And he was so much younger than my parents.  (Not really, it just seemed that way to my little eyes.)

When I was about 10, I made a piece of art at school.  We were learning about Paul Gauguin and then we created a picture inspired by him.  I was really proud of mine.  So I told my parents I wanted to mail it to Uncle Steve. 

See, whenever we stayed at my grandparents’ house, I slept in his old room.  And I had found old sketches and coloring books that he had done when he was younger.  So I knew he liked art.  Like me. 

He called me, ME, and thanked me for it. 

Then I wrote him a letter with a creative flourish.  And he wrote me back with an even better artistic flourish. 

After that, every present he gave me had an artistic edge to it.  They were unique and mature and AWESOME. 

He didn’t have to do that.  He didn’t have to put so much thought and effort into a response letter to a 10 year old.  He didn’t have to try so hard to find gifts that he thought I would not only like, but would encourage my love of art and expose me to more of that world.

I not only loved him but liked him.  And I doubt I saw him ten times over my entire childhood.  But it didn’t matter.  Because distance didn’t get to dictate the relationship. 

Which is why I hate the term “social distancing”. 

I get that it’s necessary.  Because it is.  All the experts are saying that we’re at a tipping point right now.  If we can stay away from each other and slow down the spread of our germs, we’ll follow the path of Korea or Japan.  If we don’t, and decide to follow what we want instead of doing what’s best for EVERYONE, then we’ll be following in the footsteps of Italy and the other European countries that are in a true state of CRISIS. 

I can even understand the impulse to respond that way. 

The idea of having to cut ourselves off from those that we love for the foreseeable future is terrifying.  But it will not be forever.  It won’t be. But the fact of the matter is that it is necessary. IT IS.

BUT distance doesn’t get to determine the relationship.  Social distancing doesn’t get to determine our relationships to each other.

We’re going to have to be purposeful.  We’re going to have to work hard and be prepared for things to not work.  But we’re going to have to try.  And then try again.

And most of all, we have to pray. 

Our entire belief system is based off of the faith that GOD ISN’T DISTANT.  Even if we can’t see Him.  Even if we can’t hear Him.  God is HERE.  That Love is always with us.    

And that Love binds us all together. 

Write down every evening the names of a person or persons that you want to call the next day.  And don’t just call them, Facetime them. 

Watch a movie together over Marco Polo. 

Challenge each other to write letters but incorporate art. 

Do a sneak attack.  Go write a message on their driveway or front steps in chalk. 

And pray for each other.  Above all, pray.  Yes, pray that this sickness will end quickly but also pray for each other’s spirits.  Pray before each conversation.  For them to be encouraged and you as well. For the loneliness to be pushed back and peace and joy to be present.

And for Heaven’s sake, pray together!  End the phone conversation with a prayer.  It doesn’t have to be long.  It doesn’t even have to be two sided.  And it doesn’t have to be weird.

“Lord, continue to protect my friend and their family.  Fill their days and give them peace.”

This is possible.  Our faith is proof of it. 

Distance will not determine our relationships.