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Ugh.

I mean…

No, that’s what I mean.

Ugh.

I desperately want to write something light hearted but…

Beirut is devastated.

Lebanon is starving.

Justice still hasn’t happened for Breonna Taylor.

Facebook is still quicksand instead of nice family updates.

The Corona virus is still being politicized by both parties.

People are still getting sick and dying.

I picked a fight with my husband over something dumb.

And I still have to wear a #@*%^# mask when doing just about anything and can’t hug any of my friends.

UGH.

But there are still good things…

The world is full of big problems. BIG problems.

I don’t want to write about them anymore. I don’t want to talk about them anymore.

At least for tonight.

Tonight I want to sit in my quiet house, knowing my children are asleep in their beds. Safe and protected. At least for the moment.

Tonight I want to move all social apps on my phone and turn off notifications (which I’ve done) to escape the aggression and comparison that has been plaguing me of late. I don’t want to misread any more posts or dither about whether I should say something.

Tonight I will watch Frasier and laugh and not be reminded by the news that it seems that our country is set to tear itself to pieces. I will ignore the political machine.

No, tonight I will focus on the little small victories of the day. The little happies that made me smile.

I roasted purple carrots tonight for dinner. They are wonderfully purple on the outside with a bright orange center. They look like a vegetable eaten in Trolls.

I planted a strawberry patch today. I dug up grass, planted plants, spread mulch and got good and dirty.

I sat next to my oldest on the couch tonight after the twins had gone to bed. He munched on animal crackers and we both read.

I made soda bread for lunch and we all got slab sandwiches. (A family favorite.)

My oldest and my youngest child played together without fighting on the trampoline. We’re not going to talk about how long it lasted but it happened!

I got the news that my boys and their friends will be allowed to be in the same ‘group’ when doing virtual school. This will help keep some level of socialization should we have to go virtual again and help their mom (she’s a middle school teacher with enough on her plate).

My middle son tried to sneakily spray me with the hose. And did a pretty good job of it.

At some point during the day, all three of my children sang along to a worship song that was playing in the background.

I congratulated a friend on finding and buying a house.

I sat down to write.

I listened to the words of a very wise woman encouraging to not wait but get ready. Thank you again, Crystal. I needed to hear it.

I wrote the grocery list for the ingredients I need to make dinner for some friends tomorrow night. I may not be able to hug them. But I can sit on their patio and laugh together.

The big problems are going to be there tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. In fact, more than likely, they’re going to be around for awhile yet.

But it’s time to start finding the little victories.

No matter how small.

It’s time to start figuring out how to live. Not to “get back to normal” because there was a lot of “normal” that wasn’t, isn’t okay. This is our new normal now. It’s time to stop letting that be a depressant and time to just make it work. (Thank you, Tim Gunn, for making that a part of our every day lives.)

Normal changes. All the time. Think over your life and you’ll realize you’ve gone through several stages of normal over the course of it. What is normal now doesn’t mean it will always be normal. In some cases that might be sad. But in others it will be blessing.

It’s time to figure it out. Time to start living again. Time to mark the happies and call the day a win.

Even if it’s just because you discovered a psychedelic carrot that made your boys smile.